February 2015 Powerful Word – “LOYALTY”

This month we will focus on the powerful word; “loyalty.”

Loyalty is a complex word. It means being faithful, steadfast and true to someone or something. When we are loyal, we stand up for and stand by our friends, family, school or cause. Of course, loyalty doesn’t mean we always agree or we refuse to speak up when we know someone we love is in the wrong.

This  concept can be confusing to children and teens who may be navigating complicated feelings and relationships for the first time. They may wonder; “If I don’t agree with my friend, my teacher, or my family is it OK to speak up? Or, is that being disloyal?” As adults we know that speaking up and being true to one’s values does show loyalty.

All relationships require loyalty to work. Whether these relationships are family-based, friendship-based, or workbased, being true and supportive is expected. The breakdown of loyalty can seriously compromise friendships in children and adults. It is also not easily repaired as it involves a breach in trust.

A recent longitudinal study out this past June talks about strong character and loyalty as a vital part of positive child development. In particular, the children who were considered the “cool kids” (those young teens driven by popularity and the need to impress) did not turn out as well as other children who were not considered so “cool.”

As the lead researcher, Joseph P. Allen, said to the New York Times; “To be truly mature as an early adolescent means you’re able to be a good, loyal friend, supportive, hardworking and responsible. But that doesn’t get a lot of airplay on Monday morning in a ninth grade homeroom.”

“Loyalty” should create some interesting discussions! I hope you will continue these discussions at home and while in transit, in order to help the children understand this multifaceted powerful word.

Thank you for your support. You are pivotal in helping to make our school one of the best personal development centers in
the world.

Best Regards,

—Your Motivated and Dedicated Instructors

November, 2014 Powerful Word: Responsibility

Dear Family,
This month we will focus on the powerful word, “responsibility.”

Responsible people get things done. They are Reliable,
Accountable, and Dependable (R.A.D.). We all want our children to be the kind of people who exercise responsible habits,
initiate responsible behavior (even when nobody is looking) and demonstrate responsible choices. When we teach children to show responsibility, we are setting the foundation for a responsible lifestyle throughout their childhood and adulthood.

We also want students to realize that responsible people go above and beyond. They don’t just do the jobs, chores, and requirements to which they committed but they also do what needs to get done even when it’s not “their job.” In a nutshell; responsible people respond when they see a need.

A study conducted this year by the Pew Research Center showed that
94% of the 815 parents surveyed say it is important to teach children responsibility regardless of parental ideology or child’s
age. In particular, whether they have preschool-aged children, elementary-aged children or teenagers in the home, parents
agree that the most important traits to teach children are responsibility and hard work. Other traits that parents felt were important for their children to learn were helpfulness and good manners.

Research also tells us that when children and teens gain a sense of responsibility towards others, it can help to maintain lower rates of substance abuse. Being responsible can have protective factors!

Responsibility is a crucial quality of a leader. Leaders set the standard and when leaders show responsibility, it is more likely that others will do the same. Whether we are talking about taking care of “things,” showing up on time, following through with promises or being accountable for our choices, a leader’s actions can make a big difference.

One of the best ways to teach responsibility is to demonstrate it to our children. Talk about your personal or professional responsibilities while pointing them out as you do them, if possible. Whether you are following through with a commitment or being accountable for a mistake, your children learn from watching you in action.

We thank you for your support.

October, 2014 Powerful Word: Respect

Dear Family,
This month we will focus on the powerful word, “respect.”

Simply put; when we respect someone or something, we show that they are valuable and worthy of care, attention or consideration.

We often talk to children about respect in terms of how we would want others to treat us and then help them to apply that concept to how we should be treating others. But respect is more nuanced than that. We don’t just treat others the way we want to be treated but rather, how they deserve and need to be treated as well.

Therefore, when speaking to ur children, it’s important to note that respecting others does not necessarily mean that we treat them “the same.” For instance, a child who has special needs might want help doing a new skill while a child without such special needs may prefer to practice the skill independently. In this case we actually treat each child differently while showing respect for both.

We can show respect to ourselves as well. When we see ourselves as valuable and are made to feel special for who we are, we develop self-respect. Respecting ourselves provides the foundation for respecting others.

Children learn a great deal about respect by interacting with their peers. According to a recent study, when children interacts with peers, they learn about perspective-taking, empathy and differences. The children can then develop critical-thinking while practicing how to show respect despite disagreements.

As mentors, parents and teachers in the lives of children, it is important for us to model respect for ourselves and others while discussing values of kindness, empathy and gratitude. Children absorb our values and will imitate what we do as well as what we say. We can show respect for ourselves by, for example, protecting our time or taking care of our bodies and we can show respect for others by listening to them and giving them our undivided attention.

We thank you for your support. You are pivotal in helping to make our school one of the best personal development centers in the world.

Best Regards,

Ask Dr. Robyn… September 2014: CONFIDENCE

Dear Dr. Robyn,
While we are on the subject, I’d like to talk to you about my children. In my family, we are short. My kids are at least a head shorter than their friends and often get picked on or made to feel like they’re babyish. I think it’s affecting their attitude. They say “I can’t” a lot now. I’d like to help build up their confidence. Can you please provide some tips that can help my kids?
–Jess M., Fort Lauderdale, FL

Dear Jess,
Thank you for your personal story and question.

Many children experience these social issues from time to time. It’s important to provide them with the tools so that they can feel empowered and move forward. In your case, while your children may be short, we want them to feel like they can still stand on their own two feet and rise to any challenge they face. Of course, if teasing becomes aggressive and consistent, seek out help from the school or appropriate officials.

To build up confidence in your children:

(1) Praise effort over personal characteristics: Studies show that when we praise the effort it takes to make progress or achieve a goal rather than fixed, personal characteristics (i.e. you are so smart, you are so pretty), your children will be more likely to work hard and see challenges as hurdles that they can clear.

(2) Surround them with positive, confident people: Children absorb messages from those who surround them. When children are around people who work hard and have a “can do” attitude, they are more likely to adopt a “can do” attitude as well. Especially when children are around others who are conquering similar challenges that they face, it can be particularly powerful.

(3) Give them a job: When children are given the opportunity to feel resourceful, helpful and successful, they receive an  internal boost that can’t be attained in any other way. Give them an interesting job that is challenging but still attainable with hard work and persistence. It is worth it!

(4) Encourage them to set goals: When children set meaningful goals, they are able to strive, feel the excitement of progress and eventually earn the confidence that comes with goal achievement. What are they interested in learning? Have them write it down and devise a plan.

(5) Show them the evidence: Finally, when your children are feeling down, talk to them about what they have achieved with hard work and perseverance. Reminding them of the high grade they achieved on a tough test or the award they received for a sport or contest will be difficult to deny.

Here’s to your success!

September, 2014 Powerful Word… CONFIDENCE

This month we will focus on the character concept, “confidence.”

Confidence is a combination of trust, conviction and assuredness. Confident people embody a feeling of inner certainty that problems and challenges will work out as envisioned. They believe in themselves, their abilities, and in those they trust.

When speaking to children, t’s important to delineate the difference between confidence and cockiness or conceit. Confident people are aware of their strengths but don’t feel they need to brag about them for validation. They already have that certainty inside. They can admit their weaknesses–but not in a way that heaps on shame. Rather, they talk about weakness in a productive way that helps them to reach out for help, strengthen their skills and connect with others.

When it comes to goals and goal-setting, confident people follow their passion and try new activities. They are open to meeting new people and are comfortable embracing their own identity even if they’re different from others. They have faith in themselves and their ability to succeed.

A recent study published in the journal of Child Development shows the importance of giving children praise for their efforts (such as “you worked hard on that”) rather than for their personal qualities (such as “you are such a big girl/boy”). The longitudinal research design demonstrated that those children who receive praise for their efforts are more likely to be confident in their ability to improve their intelligence and personality through hard work on challenging tasks. These children also used  strategies for overcoming failure.

Society can, at times, provide messages that tell children they are not valuable as they are, which can become barriers to confidence. It’s important for our children to be around others who help to build them up rather than tear them down. We are happy to be part of their support system!

We thank you for your support. You are  pivotal in helping to make our school one of the best personal development centers in the world.

Best Regards,
—Your Motivated and
Dedicated Instructors

Build Your Child’s Focus With Martial Arts

Unless you have lived your life under a rock, you have probably heard that Martial Arts training is a great way to help build a child’s focus and concentration. Have you ever asked yourself, “What is it about Martial Arts that does this”? Why does Martial Arts have such a strong association with focus and concentration?

Well, if you have ever done any research on methods to build a child’s focus and concentration, you have probably found that there are many games, exercises and drills that are recommended to be done on a regular basis, and over time you will see some positive results. One thing you will notice about the recommended games, drills and exercises is that they all have one thing in common: they all involve some type of activity that forces the child to really think and concentrate on what they are doing in order to effectively participate.

For instance, some common recommendations would be to have a child do crossword puzzles and mazes, etc., play board games such as Memory, or play various mind games that involve counting and remembering numbers, etc. In fact, we offer these types of activities in our FREE Razor Sharp Focus on-line mini-course.

The key to building a child’s focus and concentration then, is to get them to do activities that will force them to think about and concentrate on what they are doing in order to effectively participate in those activities. Well people, there is no activity that forces you to concentrate on what you are doing more than Martial Arts training. In order to learn and effectively execute even the most basic techniques and combinations of Martial Arts, you must direct all of your focus and concentration to them when training.

Now this is probably the biggest piece of the puzzle, but other factors also need to be present. First, there has to be an incentive for the child to want to dedicate all of his/her attention to the task at hand… a reward or a goal to reach. In Martial Arts, there is a built-in incentive system of goal setting and achievement, in the form of belt/rank advancement. When the child completes all of the requirements of their present rank, they are awarded with a new belt and an advancement in rank. Also, most Martial Arts schools have a striping system in which students earn a series of stripes on their belts in between each rank advancement, giving them even shorter-term goals and more incentive for them to focus on their training. With lots of positive reinforcement from their instructors, kids can’t help but get excited to reach their next goal.

Finally, the activity has to be fun for the child. Think like the child for a second… why would a child give something his/her undivided attention unless it was fun for him/her? When children have fun participating in an activity, they will want to give that activity all of their focus and attention. A good Martial Arts program for children is going to involve drills and games that are fun for the children and incorporate the various Martial Arts skills that are taught in the program, so much of the actual training is somewhat disguised.

Obviously, I highly recommend Martial Arts training to build and strengthen focusing skills in children for the reasons stated above. A good Martial Arts program can greatly enhance their focus and concentration, which in turn will help them to earn better grades in school and be more successful in life. When you combine various drills and exercises to work in tandem with Martial Arts training, such as the ones we offer in our FREE Razor Sharp Focus on-line mini-course, you will get optimal results.

Take the first step in building your child’s focus and Click Here to

participate in our FREE Razor Sharp Focus on-line mini-course.

 

Keep up the good fight!

 

Our Powerful Word of the Month: Compassion

Compassion, in Latin, means “co-suffering” or “suffering
together.” When we feel compassion, our heart responds to others who are dealing with misfortune or pain in a way that motivates us to want to help alleviate their suffering.

Compassion involves other powerful words such as empathy as well as kindness and altruism. Rather than judging others or ignoring their pain, we look upon them with a caring heart. We wonder; how can I bring comfort to them? How can I offer a helping hand?

However, compassion is not the same as empathy and altruism. According to “The Greater Good” out of the University of California, Berkeley, empathy is when we “mirror” another’s emotion, like tearing up at a friend’s sadness and altruism is an action that benefits someone else. “Although these terms are related to compassion, they are not identical. Compassion often does, of course, involve an empathic response and an altruistic behavior. However, compassion is defined as the emotional response when perceiving suffering and involves an authentic desire to help alleviate that suffering.”

Compassion happens to be good for everyone. It makes the one who gives feel better (and healthier!) and it helps the one who “gets” feel better too.  Compassion is contagious! Social scientists Fowler and Christakis have shown in their research that when people see and receive acts of compassion, they are more likely to pay it forward.

While we must learn to have compassion for others, we also must learn to have compassion for ourselves. We live in a world that can be overly competitive or harsh. It can be easy to tear ourselves down, criticize ourselves or refrain from resting and recharging when we know we need to do so. When we have compassion for ourselves, we accept that we make mistakes, we are human and we are still valuable and worthy of love.

Keep up the good fight!

FREE E-book: Why Martial Arts is Beneficial for Children with ADD/ADHD

You Don’t have To Like It, You Just Have To Do It!

While our monthly discussion topic in our child classes is discipline, I thought that I would share a little technique that I have been using for many years now, which does wonders to inspire self-discipline.  I discovered it back in the late nineties upon reading a great book entitled “Rogue Warrior”.  The book is about a Vietnam War Veteran Navy Seal named Richard Marcinko, in which he shares many of his experiences during the war.  In the book, Mr. Marcinko explains that a soldier has many difficult tasks to complete, many of which are quite unpleasant.  However, these assignments must be executed in order to complete the mission.  There is no saying, “I just don’t want to do this”, or, “I can’t do this”.  The job must get done!  Mr. Marcinko had a little phrase he would use… “You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”!

It has been many years since I read “Rogue Warrior”, and as you would expect, my memory has faded on most of the book’s details.  However, this little phrase is one very powerful detail that I remember very clearly.  I have said this phrase to myself on many occasions and it has given me the drive to follow through and complete whatever it is that needed to be done.  The best example I can give is the numerous times that I did not feel like working out.  There have been many times (and I’m sure many of you can relate to this) when it was time to work out and I found myself on the fence, considering blowing it off, and I would think of that phrase.  It would get me up and to my workout every single time.  There was even one incident that I remember when I was staying in a cheap motel and I needed to take a shower.  Not surprisingly, the hot water was not working.  I was ready to turn off the water when I said to myself, “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”!  Yes… I toughed it out and took the cold shower.

This powerful little phrase can apply to any aspect of life in which discipline is needed.  I am thankful to Richard Marcinko for leaving such an impression on me with this simple little phrase.  I hope you will give it a try!

Click the button below to start instilling some discipline in your life or in the lives of your children…

Keep up the good fight!

Some Thoughts on Courage…

This month, we have been teaching our child students about courage.  It’s funny… when you ask them if they know what it is to have courage, they all seem to answer the same… “it means you are not afraid of anything”.  It is so refreshing to see such innocence.  I can actually remember being a child and thinking that there was nothing my dad was afraid of.  Of course we all learn as we mature that there is nobody on earth who does not feel fear.  I explain this to them and tell them that having courage is doing something that you believe is necessary, even though you may be afraid to.  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines courage as “moral or mental strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty”.  Therefore, having courage is having the ability to overcome your fear and face something or do something that you feel needs to be done because it aligns with your personal beliefs.  The courageous individual can control his fear and does not let his fear control him or his actions.

Some obvious situations that children can relate to that require courage are standing up to a bully or learning to ride a bicycle without training wheels for the first time.  However, danger does not always have to be present for one to be courageous.  Consider the situation of a person’s first time speaking to a crowd.  It really amazes me, but according to studies, the thing that the majority of people fear most in life is public speaking (apparently, death is second on this list).  There is really no inherent danger in making a speech.  However, it takes a lot of courage for most people to speak in front of a crowd for the first time.  Obviously, the public speaker must face the fear of embarrassing himself.

When explaining the meaning of courage to the students, I always make sure that they know the difference between having courage and being stupid.  You see, just because you do something that you are afraid to do does not mean that you are courageous.  For instance, I would be more scared than the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz to jump from the Tobin Bridge into the Mystic River just because it was hot out.  To actually do it would not be courageous, but rather stupid.  It is stupid because being hot is obviously not a good enough reason to justify taking such a big risk.  It is only an act of courage if the risk is worth taking.

So what is it that makes the risk worth taking?  The intended result of the courageous act must produce benefits that exceed the value of that which is at risk.  Taking the example of a child learning to ride a bike without training wheels for the first time, consider what is at risk and what the intended result would be.  The likely risk for the child might be a minor injury, such as a skinned knee or a cut on the arm.  There is also a risk of a more serious injury such as a broken bone or a sprained ankle, but this risk is much lower and less likely to happen.  The benefit of course, is that the child learns to ride a bike, giving that child a certain freedom and a great deal of enjoyment from this activity, perhaps for the rest of his or her life.  In addition to this, it will give the child an increase in confidence to face other challenges he or she is certain to face in the future.  In this instance, I think most would conclude that the risk is worth taking.

Why do we as Martial Artists feel that it is important to have courage?  Courage builds strong character, which is what we are all about in the Martial Arts.  There are many times during everyone’s life when they are faced with a situation in which a difficult decision has to be made.  Sometimes the right decision involves carrying out an act that may put one in danger or in a position that they are not very comfortable facing.  We want our students to have the ability to evaluate these situations and have the confidence to decide what is right.  When the right thing to do is something that is dangerous or uncomfortable, we need them to have the courage to execute.  No matter how the situation turns out, there should be no regrets.  Only a person of strong character can carry this out.

Keep up the good fight!

Martial Arts and ADHD

^{According to recent statistics, 2 to 3 percent of children have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyeractivity Disorder).   The number of children in the United States with ADHD is estimated to be about 2 million.   Children with ADHD tend to exhibit excessive inattention and impulsive behavior, which compromises their function in everyday life.}

^{So how does this relate to Martial Arts?  Well, doctors are increasingly recommending Martial Arts classes for children with ADHD.  Martial Arts involves a high level of focusing attention and controling behavior, which is exactly the training these children need to improve.}

Check out this news story on the subject:

As always, keep up the good fight!!!