What Do You Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied?

It happens every so often… I am approached by one or both parents of a young student, usually with the student, requesting that they speak with me in private.  We enter my office and close the door, and the parents proceed to inform me that their child is having a problem with another child at school.  In most cases, there have been several incidents in which their child has been bullied by the other child and they are calling me aside to  request my advice.  The parents usually do not need my advice regarding what their child should do.  They have already given their child the advice that any normal parent would give his or her child.  They just need me to reinforce it to their child.  They know what I am going to say, because it is based on common sense, which is what they used to reach the same conclusion.

Prior to their having to deal with this situation, many parents would have advised that their child ignore or just walk a way from the bully.  Others may have advised their child to tell his or her teacher of the problem and it would be taken care of.  They may even give this advice to their child at the outset and will quickly learn that the bully will not allow their child to just ignore or walk away from him.  Even if the child can avoid the bully, there is no way that he or she can live without fear of confronting the bully, which will completely dismantle his or her self-esteem.  Parents will also learn that if their child “tells the teacher”, the child pays for this with even more bullying.  Many of the parents have already gotten involved in the situation by speaking with the child’s teacher and school administrators, but this has the same effect as the prior scenario.  You see, there is only one sensible answer to a bullying situation and all parents, no matter what they had always professed before they ever had to face this issue, come to this common sense conclusion.

You really can not blame the parents for giving their children this initial bogus advice or getting themselves involved when you consider the culture of political correctness that has evolved in society.  According to this culture, any form of physical confrontation is considered violence, and violence must be avoided at all costs.  However, when everything else has failed, parents always seem to finally reach the realization that this is the child’s problem and the child must stand up to the bully and deal with any physical altercation that may arise.  If the child does not stand up to the bully, he or she is doomed to live each day in fear of the bully and the child’s self-esteem will be greatly affected in a negative way.  Of course the bullying will not last forever, but if the child does not face the bully, the psychological damage that is caused will.  A good friend of mine stated it best: an injury to your body will heal and go away, but an injury to your pride will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Having said that, is it really worth conforming to political correctness and advise your child to avoid “violence” at all costs?  Are you really doing right by your child?  In my opinion, you will be doing your child a disservice if you take this position.  Don’t get me wrong… I agree that violence is not good for anybody.  However, sometimes it is necessary to make things right.  In mostly all situations when a victim stands up to a bully, one of two things happen; 1) the bully backs down and no physical confrontation results, or 2) a confrontation ensues and the vicitim walks away with some bruises, but gains the bully’s respect.  In either situation, the result is that the bullying stops and the child walks away with his pride and a positive self-esteem.  In addition to this, the bully just may receive a lesson in humility.

It is my belief that all parents know this from the beginning, because as I said above, it is all based on common sense.  It is a shame that society has made it so difficult to do the right thing by polluting our minds with all this politically correct BS.  When I was a child, standing up to a bully was the only solution to the problem and parents, including my own, never had any hesitation to say, “if he hits you, you hit him right back!”  Life was so much simpler back then and people were so much more normal and well adjusted.  Again, this is because they handled these types of problems with common sense.  As I stated above, I believe that all parents today eventually come to the sensible conclusion.  It is just too bad that they have to spend so much time and effort to come to it, and need so much reinforcement once they reach it.

I welcome your comments.

As always, keep up the good fight!

Karate Instructor vs. Pimp

I was flipping through channels the other night and came upon a show called “Smoking Gun/America’s Dumbest Criminals” (I think I got that right) and I decided to watch, as this was right up my alley for entertainment.  Anyhow, it just so happened that they showed an incident in which a Karate instructor had a run-in with a pimp.  You gotta see this – it is hilarious!  Enjoy.

As always, keep up the good fight!

Bruce Lee’s Home to Become a Museum

Bruce Lee's Former Home in Hong Kong

A friend of mine sent me an email earlier today directing me to an article about how Bruce Lee’s former home in Hong Kong was recently purchased by a Hong Kong tycoon who plans to turn it into a museum honoring the Martial Arts legend.  It’s great to see somebody just doing the right thing when it comes to something, or in this case someone, who holds a special place in one’s being.

Click here to read the article.

Enjoy!

Instant Gratification

I hope that everyone had a very happy Holiday Season.  I realize that I have not posted in quite some time and I apologize.  I have been on vacation and I guess that I got kind of lazy.  Anyhow, I recently read a very interesting article on the subject of instant gratification, which has become so prevalent a concept among people today that it can almost be called a lifestyle.  I found this article interesting because it was written by a Martial Arts instructor by the name of Wayne Belonoha who teaches at a Kung Fu school in Canada, and his thoughts and philosophy on instant gratification mirror my own.  However, Mr. Belonoha puts these thoughts into words much better than I can even dream of.  You can read his article by clicking here.  Enjoy!

Until next time, keep up the good fight!

What Is The Best Martial Arts Style For Self-Defense?

Which of the martial arts styles is the most effective for a self-defense situation?  This  question has been asked over and over for many many years and there have been many different answers.  Some of the answers have been very objective and intelligent, while others have been outright assanine.  Personally, I do not feel that there is one superior style of martial arts for self-defense.

I have studied several different styles of martial arts over many years and found that each one of them has contributed greatly in its own fashion to my self-defense skills.  I have trained in Kenpo, Boxing, Kickboxing, Small Circle Jiu Jitsu and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  My Kenpo training gave me strong stances, balance, fluid movement, and basic striking and kicking skills.  My Boxing and Kickboxing training gave me good footwork, body and head movement and inside and outside fighting skills.  My Small Circle Jiu Jitsu training gave me inside fighting skills with joint locks and manipulations.  Finally, my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training gave me grappling and ground fighting skills.

How could I say that just one of these styles is superior to any of the other when they all concentrate on different skills?  Any of the skills that  each of these styles teach can be applicable in a self-defense situation, depending on the circumstances.   There is no way to tell what is going to happen in a street self-defense situation and it is best to be prepared for all of them as best you can.

Therefore, it is my opinion that there is not one style that is superior to all the others when it comes to self-defense.  All of the different styles have something positive to offer.  The individual practicing the martial arts techniques will be the determining factor in the situation – not the style of martial arts he practices.  Gone are the days of narrow mindedness in the martial arts when instructors would tell their students, “our style is the best and you need not seek out any others”.

It is my belief that a martial artist should obtain as many skills as he can from several different martial arts styles.  You will always take something away from any style in which you decide to train, and it will make you a more dynamic and well-rounded fighter.  By the way, the more I write, the more this sounds very familiar to me; didn’t the  greatest martial artist of all time, the one and only Bruce Lee have this philosophy back in the 60’s???  He was a man way ahead of his time!

This, my friends is the true essence of mixed martial arts.

Until next time, keep up the good fight!

A Different Christmas Poem

Hello Friends,

Several years ago, a friend sent me a poem via email entitiled, “A Different Christmas Poem”.  This poem affected me so much that I saved it, and I send it out to all of my contacts at North Shore Martial Arts Center each holiday season.  Please enjoy:

A DIFFERENT CHRISTMAS POEM

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,

I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,

My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,

Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,

Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,

So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn’t loud, and it wasn’t too near,

But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn’t quite know,

Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,

And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,

A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,

Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,

Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

“What are you doing?” I asked without fear,

“Come in this moment, it’s freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!”

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,

Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire’s light
Then he sighed and he said “Its really all right,

I’m out here by choice. I’m here every night.”

“It’s my duty to stand at the front of the line,

That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,

I’m proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at ‘Pearl on a day in December,”

Then he sighed, “That’s a Christmas ‘Gram always remembers.”
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ‘Nam’,

And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I’ve not seen my own son in more than a while,

But my wife sends me pictures, he’s sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,

The red, white, and blue… an American flag.

“I can live through the cold and the being alone,

Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,

Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,

To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.”

“So go back inside,” he said, “harbor no fright,

Your family is waiting and I’ll be all right.”
“But isn’t there something I can do, at the least,
“Give you money,” I asked, “or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you’ve done,

For being away from your wife and your son.”
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,

“Just tell us you love us, and never forget.

To fight for our rights back at home while we’re gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,

To know you remember we fought and we bled.

Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,

That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.

.

This poem is especially meaningful to me this holiday season, because this is the first Christmas that I will not be spending with my dad.  My dad was a proud Marine until the day he passed.  He was no longer in the Marines, but as they say, once a Marine always a Marine.

Happy Holidays to all.

 

 

 

 

 

Martial Arts and ADHD

^{According to recent statistics, 2 to 3 percent of children have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyeractivity Disorder).   The number of children in the United States with ADHD is estimated to be about 2 million.   Children with ADHD tend to exhibit excessive inattention and impulsive behavior, which compromises their function in everyday life.}

^{So how does this relate to Martial Arts?  Well, doctors are increasingly recommending Martial Arts classes for children with ADHD.  Martial Arts involves a high level of focusing attention and controling behavior, which is exactly the training these children need to improve.}

Check out this news story on the subject:

As always, keep up the good fight!!!

My Inspiration to Help Others This Holiday Season

I trust you all had a happy and nutritionally abundant Thanksgiving Day… I know I did.  However, this year I really feel that Thanksgiving is and the rest of the holiday season will be much more fulfilling for me than it has been in the past.  Perhaps this is due to a series of coincidences that I recently experienced.  It started when I read an article in the local newspaper in September about how the food pantries in town have had a shortage of donations as of late.  About a month after I saw this article, one of the martial arts business websites that I subscribe to, run by a gentleman by the name of Michael Massie launched a selfless program called KO Hunger.  In this program, Mr. Massie assists and encourages Martial Arts school owners in helping out those in need in their own local communties by hosting local food drives to benefit food banks in their own cities.  I read about this program and I immediately thought about the article that I read a month earlier.  The wheels started to turn in my head and I concluded that if I were to get involved with this KO Hunger program, it would be a great way for me to help the local food pantries with their recent woes and in turn, help people in need.  I contacted Mr. Massie and applied to participate in the KO Hunger program, which Mr. Massie approved this past week.

To be honest, I was on the fence whether or not I would follow through with the food drive because I thought that it may be a bit too late to launch.  I mean, these things are usually started prior to Thanksgiving and run up to Christmas.  The earliest that I would be able to get this drive started would be the Monday after Thanksgiving.  This leaves us only 3 weeks to gather food for the drive.  However, the final coincidence that inspired me to follow through with the food drive happened yesterday on Thanksgiving day.  I received an email from a dear friend that included a video about a dying 11 year-old boy whose last wish was to feed the homeless.  You can watch that video here:

After watching this video, I had a different attitude about doing my own food drive… I felt that it was now my obligation to do it.  If this unselfish, terminal 11 year-old can step up and make this kind of impact to help so many people in need, it would be very selfish and irresponsible for someone like myself who has the resources, the facility and my good health to let this opportuniy to help others pass by.

From now through December 23, 2008, North Shore Martial Arts Center will be collecting donations of dry and canned food items to benefit A Servant’s Heart food pantry in Melrose, MA.  North Shore Martial Arts Center will offer 2 weeks of FREE martial arts classes to local residents who participate in the food drive.  Those who make donations can redeem their free 2 weeks of classes anytime prior to January 30, 2009.  For more information or to make a donation, you can call 781-662-1857, or stop by North Shore Martial Arts Center at 427 Main Street (Rear), Melrose, MA, anytime between 3:00 p.m and 9:00 p.m. on weekdays.

Until next time, keep up the good fight!

Will Your Martial Arts Be There When You Need It???

There is an age old question that every martial artist has asked himself/herself at some point in their martial arts career; “Can I count on my martial arts training to work for me if ever I need it?”  Most of these martial artists rationalize their answer to this question in a vain attempt to convince themselves that they could execute if necessary.  Unfortunately, the true and honest answer to this question for most of these martial artists is a resounding “NO”!

The fact is, there is a crucial element that is present in a real attack that is not present when training for these attacks in the controlled environment of a martial arts class.  This one element makes the scenario in the street a completely different one than that of the dojo.  Furthermore, this element is sure to be present in every real attack, no matter who is involved.  This element is the effects caused by the adrenaline rush.

In a real attack, the human body naturally and involuntarily reacts to a threat by dumping adrenaline throughout the bloodstream.  By doing this, the body is going into survival mode.  Many refer to this as the “fight or flight” condition.  Anyhow, to give a simplified background, it all starts in the brain.  The human brain is seperated into two parts: the frontal lobe and the limbic system.  The frontal lobe is usually referred to as the conscious brain and the limbic system as the subconscious brain.  The frontal lobe is the part of the brain we use when we converse, think, learn, rationalize, etc.  The limbic system is the part of the brain that most of us are not even aware of.  This is the part of the brain that is responsible for emotions, instinctive reactions, reflexive actions, behavior, etc.  This part of the brain is also responsible for self-preservation.  Every stimulus that enters the brain goes through the limbic system before it reaches the frontal lobe.  When the limbic system detects a threat, it reacts by dumping large amounts of adrenaline into the bloodstream to increase strength, speed and basic survival abilities.  This is when the problem occurs for martial artists, because when the subconscious brain releases the adrenaline, it must first shut down the frontal lobe in order to tap the resources for the survival response.  It just so happens that one’s martial arts techniques are all stored in the frontal lobe of the brain.

After learning this you may be worried that all your years of martial arts training have been a waste of time if your main purpose in training was to prepare yourself for self-defense situations.  Although, I’m sure there are many of you who are in denial right now, probably telling yourself, “this guy doesn’t know what he is talking about”, again rationalizing the issue in an attempt to convince yourself that you will be able to count on your martial arts training.  Relax… your training has not been a waste of time.  There is a way to bridge that gap between a real attack situation and training in a controlled environment.

The only way to prepare yourself for a real attack is to train while you are under adrenal stress.  In other words, you need to create the adrenaline dump in your body while training to defend yourself.  You can accomplish this in a controlled environment with reality-based training.  Reality-based training involves simulating a real attack situation in which the victim can defend himself using full power against the attacker.  You may be skeptical, but it works!  Remember how the brain receives stimulus?  It all goes through the limbic system first and then to the frontal lobe.  When the limbic system receives the message of the threat in the simulated attack, it cannot distinguish whether or not the attack is real.  Therefore, it reacts the same way, dumping adrenaline into the bloodstream and shutting down the frontal lobe before the information gets there.

With a little bit of coaching, a martial artist can be guided through the attacks until they finally learn to control the adrenaline rush and actually use it to his/her advantage.  At North Shore Martial Arts Center, we offer a reality based training program called REACT Self-Defense.  Click on the link for more info, or contact us at info@northshoremartialarts.com.

Until next time, keep up the good fight!

When the Novelty Wears Off

How do you react when the novelty of your child’s martial arts class wears off and he/she starts to give you a heap of resistance when it is time to go to class?  This is very common in all children’s Martial Arts programs, and the fashion in which you the parent handle the situation will determine whether or not your child will continue to follow the rewarding, life changing path where Martial Arts can lead him/her and reap all its benefits along the way.

 

It goes kind of like this: Johnny joins his Martial Arts class in September when school is back in and family lives are back to their normally structured routine after a relaxing summer.  Johnny is happy because he is having a blast in his new class, making a lot of new friends and learning a lot of new techniques.  Mom and Dad are happy because Johnny is setting and achieving goals, building confidence, getting some discipline and really learning some good life skills.  After a few months, daylight savings time kicks in, winter arrives, school is getting old and the novelty of the new Martial Arts class has worn off.  Now it is time for Johnny to get ready for class, but it is cold and dark outside and Johnny is on a warm, comfortable couch watching television or playing a video game.  Mom gets Johnny up to go to class, but not without a fight.  When Johnny gets to class, you would never know that it took such a fight to get him to go to class because he is having as much fun as he always does.  I start to hear comments from Mom such as, “I’ve been having a hard time getting him to class, but once he is here he is fine”.

 

I’ve seen parents handle this situation in several different ways.  Some have raised their children with proper discipline throughout their lives and although the child may give them a bit of bellyaching about going to class, the child knows who is in charge and they acquiesce without too much trouble.  My hat is off to these parents because they are doing a great job guiding their children in the right direction through life, based on their own knowledge and experience.  Other parents may approach me and tell me about the trouble they are experiencing getting their child to class lately, and they may say something like this, “If he does not want to go, I do not think I should force him”.  Why not?  Who knows what is best for the child, the parent or the child?  If you think about it, parents force children to do things that are good for them in all aspects of their lives; going to school, doing their homework, doing chores, brushing their teeth… the list goes on and on.  Remember, we are not talking about a situation in which the child has a genuine dislike for the Martial Arts class and is kicking and screaming about having to be in the class – once he gets to class, there are no problems.  I think that these parents want to do what is right and they are just reaching out for some reassurance, which I happily give to them.

 

The parental response to our subject issue that I have absolutely no patience for is when they approach me with the problem and say, “I’m just not going to fight with him about it anymore”.  These parents are the opposite of the parents I described in the first scenario.  They have not given their child the proper discipline throughout his life.  The child is not being guided on the correct path throughout life because the parent has basically given up on the child.  The child is making his way through life forced to find his own direction, which may be right or wrong.  Considering how many more wrong ways there are than right ways to turn, it is likely that he will go in the wrong direction.  In this situation, the parent has actually acquiesced to the child, giving the child the message that the child is the one in charge.  This is a very sad situation, and the frustrating thing for a guy like me is that these are the children who need Martial Arts the most.

 

The basic thing to remember is that the child is only going through a phase, which will not take very long to get through with proper guidance from the parents.  An effective technique you can use to get your child through this phase is to have them start one of their more unpleasant activities such as homework, chores, etc., a short time before it is time to leave for class.  They will be happy to put down these activities to leave for class.  Once children get through this phase and into the class routine, it will become an easy, down hill ride for you.

 

So how will you react when the novelty wears off???

 

As always… Keep up the good fight!